if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
