Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
