Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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