remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize