My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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