I am puke
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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