I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
