I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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