Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
