WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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