my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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