It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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