i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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