So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
