dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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