how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
