i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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