So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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