I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
