Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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