so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
