I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
