the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize