lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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