remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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