you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
