after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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