im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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