Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
