We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
