my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
