PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
