you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize