Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
