margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i can run in heels then i can drive
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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