Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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