You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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