please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
