She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
