dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize