just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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