we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
