There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize