i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
