White coat. Heels.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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