Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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