It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize