Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize