That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
