I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
