honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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