so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
