Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
