Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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