I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize