you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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