Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
