woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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