when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
