Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
