thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
