Moan for me like Helen Keller
My underwear smells like fireworks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
