I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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