looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize