it wasn't lemon gatorade
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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