I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
