allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize