Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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