God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
