I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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