Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
