So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
