I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Alive.
So much puke
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
