Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
