when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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