i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
