My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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