I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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