hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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