dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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