I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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