put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
