U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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