What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
