Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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