The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
