She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
