When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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