I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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