So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
