The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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