I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
