Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
