I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
