i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
