just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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