Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize