she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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