I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
