he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize