If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
