none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize