If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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