went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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