dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
