also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
