So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
