She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
