Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
