so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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