Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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