my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
