You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
