He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
