ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
