I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
