You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
